When to Use Honorifics

Understanding when and how to use honorifics is crucial for appropriate Korean communication. The rules are based on age, social status, relationship, and context. This guide helps you navigate these social dynamics.

Basic Principle

Default Rule: When in Doubt, Use Honorifics

Being too respectful is safer than being too casual:

• Koreans appreciate foreigners who make the effort
• You can always be told to use casual speech later
• Being too casual can be offensive

Start formal, adjust based on feedback

Age-Based Usage

Clear Age Difference

Older person (even by 1 year):

• ✅ Use 존댓말 (honorific speech)
• ✅ Use -(으)시- marker
• ✅ Use polite endings (-세요, -습니다)

Example:

• To someone 1+ years older: 어디 가세요? (Where are you going?)
• Not: 어디 가? (too casual)

Korean Age System

Important consideration:

• Korean age counts from conception
• Everyone gains a year on New Year's Day
• Same birth year = same age (동갑)
• Even within same year, birth month matters

Same birth year but different months:

• January baby to December baby: May still use 존댓말
• Depends on relationship and individual preference

Significant Age Gaps

10+ years older:

• Always use honorifics
• Use special honorific verbs (드시다, 계시다)
• Consider using humble verbs

30+ years older (elder generation):

• Maximum respect
• Honorific nouns (연세, 성함)
• Complete honorific system

Relationship-Based Usage

Family

To parents and grandparents:

• ✅ Always use 존댓말
• ✅ Always use -(으)시-
• ✅ Use honorific verbs

To older siblings:

• ✅ Use 존댓말 (especially if you're younger)
• May be less formal among close siblings
• Older to younger: Can use casual speech

To younger siblings/cousins:

• Can use 반말 (casual speech)
• Some families maintain formality

Cultural note: Family hierarchy is important in Korean culture

Friends and Peers

Close friends (same age):

• After establishing friendship: 반말 (casual speech)
• No -(으)시- needed
• Casual endings (-어, -아)

New acquaintances (same age):

• Start with 존댓말
• Switch to 반말 after agreement
• Common question: "우리 반말할까?" (Shall we speak casually?)

Slightly older (1-2 years):

• Often still use 존댓말
• May switch to casual if they suggest
• Err on side of formality

Professional Relationships

To bosses/supervisors:

• ✅ Always use 존댓말
• ✅ Always use -(으)시-
• ✅ Use humble verbs when appropriate

To colleagues (same level):

• Usually 존댓말 in workplace
• May use casual outside work if close
• Company culture varies

To subordinates:

• Boss may use casual speech
• Or may maintain 존댓말 for professional atmosphere
• Varies by company culture

To clients/customers:

• Always maximum respect
• Honorific verbs, humble verbs
• Professional language

Teacher-Student

Students to teachers:

• ✅ Always use 존댓말
• ✅ Always use -(으)시-
• ✅ Use honorific verbs (말씀하시다)
• ✅ Use humble verbs (여쭙다, 뵙다)

Teachers to students:

• Elementary/middle school: Often casual
• High school: Mix of casual and polite
• University: Usually polite (students are adults)

Service Industry

Service workers to customers:

• ✅ Always maximum respect
• ✅ Use -(으)시- always
• ✅ Use humble verbs (드리다, 모시다)

Customers to service workers:

• Usually polite (존댓말)
• Some use casual, but 존댓말 is more respectful
• Treating service workers with respect is appreciated

Context-Based Usage

Formal Situations

When to use maximum formality:

• Job interviews
• Business meetings
• Presentations
• Academic conferences
• First meetings with anyone
• Legal/official settings

Use:

• 합니다/습니다 endings
• -(으)시- for respected persons
• Honorific and humble verbs
• Honorific nouns

Semi-Formal Situations

Daily workplace, school, shops:

• 해요체 (standard polite)
• -(으)시- for older/superior
• Mix of honorific and regular verbs

Casual Situations

Close friends, casual gatherings:

• 반말 (casual speech)
• No -(으)시- needed
• Regular verbs
• Relaxed atmosphere

But: Still use honorifics if elders present

Social Status Considerations

Professional Status

Higher professional status (regardless of age):

• Doctor, professor, lawyer: Use honorifics
• CEO, director, manager: Use honorifics
• Expert/specialist: Use honorifics

Your own profession:

• Don't honor yourself
• Be humble about your status

Educational Background

Generally less important than:

• Age
• Current position
• Relationship

But: Professors/teachers always get respect

Wealth/Fame

Not primary factor in Korean honorifics:

• Age and position matter more
• But famous/important people receive respect
• Especially in public or formal settings

Switching Between Levels

From Formal to Casual

When someone suggests:

• "우리 반말할까요?" (Shall we speak casually?)
• "편하게 말씀하세요" (Please speak comfortably)

Response:

• Accept graciously
• But may take time to adjust
• Okay to maintain formality if more comfortable

Never Switch Without Permission

Don't assume you can be casual:

• Wait for explicit permission
• Or for very clear signals
• Age/status difference matters

Situational Switching

May use different levels in different contexts:

• Formal at work, casual outside
• Polite in public, casual in private
• Adjust to situation

Special Cases

Strangers

On the street, in stores:

• Default to 존댓말
• Use -(으)시- to be safe
• Shows respect and politeness

Elderly People

Always respectful:

• Use 존댓말
• Use -(으)시-
• Use honorific verbs
• Use honorific nouns
• Even if you don't know them

Children

Generally casual speech:

• Adults to children: 반말
• But should still be kind and appropriate

Exception: Teaching children to be respectful

• May model polite speech

Your Own Family to Outsiders

Important rule: Lower your family:

• Don't use -(으)시- about your parents to strangers
• Don't use honorific nouns
• Be humble about your family

Example:

• ❌ 우리 아버지께서 오셨어요 (to stranger)
• ✅ 우리 아버지가 왔어요 (to stranger)

But: Among family members, honor elders

Online/Text Communication

Still follows same rules:

• Age and relationship matter
• Use appropriate speech level
• Some casual abbreviations acceptable in very casual contexts

Common Situations Guide

Meeting Someone New

First meeting:

1. Use 존댓말 (polite speech)
2. Use -(으)시- to be safe
3. Listen to how they speak to you
4. Ask about age if culturally appropriate
5. Adjust accordingly

After determining relationship:

• Older: Continue 존댓말
• Same age: May discuss switching to 반말
• Younger: They should use 존댓말 to you

At Work

First day at new job:

• Use 존댓말 to everyone
• Observe office culture
• Follow senior employees' lead
• When in doubt, maintain formality

At School/University

To professors:

• Always 존댓말
• Always -(으)시-
• Use humble verbs (여쭙다, 뵙다)

To students (same year):

• Start with 존댓말
• May switch to 반말 after becoming friends

To older students (선배):

• Use 존댓말
• Show respect
• They may allow casual speech later

Shopping/Restaurants

As customer:

• Use polite speech to workers
• Shows respect and courtesy
• Makes interaction pleasant

As worker:

• Always use maximum respect to customers
• Humble verbs (드리다, 모시다)
• Professional language

Making Mistakes

If You Use Wrong Level

Too casual by accident:

• Apologize immediately
• Switch to appropriate level
• "죄송합니다, 실수했어요"

Too formal unnecessarily:

• Person may say "편하게 말씀하세요"
• Okay to continue being formal if more comfortable

Cultural Understanding

Koreans generally understand:

• Foreigners learning Korean
• Mistakes are expected
• Effort is appreciated

But still make effort:

• Learn and apply honorific rules
• Shows respect for culture
• Improves communication

Regional Variations

Seoul/Standard Korean

Most formal:

• Strict honorific usage
• Clear hierarchies

Other Regions

May vary slightly:

• Gyeongsang: Sometimes more direct
• Jeolla: May be warmer in tone
• But honorific rules still apply

Age-Status Conflict

When Age and Status Differ

Example: Young CEO, older employee

Options:

1. Age takes priority: Older employee may use casual to young CEO
2. Position takes priority: Employee uses honorifics to CEO
3. Mutual respect: Both use polite speech

Common solution: Mutual 존댓말 in workplace

Quick Decision Guide

Use 존댓말 (Honorifics) When:

• ✅ Person is older (even by 1 year)
• ✅ Person is superior/boss
• ✅ Person is teacher/professor
• ✅ Person is customer/client
• ✅ First meeting anyone
• ✅ Formal situation
• ✅ You're unsure

Can Use 반말 (Casual) When:

• ✅ Close friend (same age)
• ✅ Younger person
• ✅ They explicitly said you can
• ✅ Very casual setting (with equals)
• ✅ Family (to younger members)

Never Use 반말 To:

• ❌ Parents, grandparents
• ❌ Teachers, professors
• ❌ Bosses, supervisors
• ❌ Strangers (unless they're children)
• ❌ People clearly older
• ❌ Customers (if you're working)

Example Scenarios

Scenario 1: Meeting Friend's Parents

Situation: First time meeting friend's parents

Correct approach:

• Use 존댓말
• Use -(으)시-
• Use honorific verbs (드시다, 계시다)
• Use honorific nouns if appropriate (연세, 성함)

Example:

• "안녕하세요. 처음 뵙겠습니다."
• "진지 드셨어요?"

Scenario 2: New Coworker (Similar Age)

Situation: New colleague joins, similar age

Correct approach:

• Start with 존댓말 at work
• After work, may ask "우리 반말할까요?"
• Establish comfortable relationship
• May maintain 존댓말 at work even if casual outside

Scenario 3: Much Younger Person

Situation: Meeting someone 10+ years younger

Correct approach:

• You can use casual speech
• But can also use polite to be kind
• They should use 존댓말 to you
• Set comfortable tone

Scenario 4: Service Interaction

Situation: At restaurant or store

Correct approach (as customer):

• Use polite speech to workers
• Shows respect and courtesy
• "저기요, 물 좀 주세요"

Correct approach (as worker):

• Maximum respect to customer
• "어서 오세요. 무엇을 도와드릴까요?"

Key Takeaways

• ✅ When in doubt, use honorifics: Safer to be too respectful
• ✅ Age is primary factor: Even 1 year matters in Korean culture
• ✅ Relationship context matters: Work vs. personal life
• ✅ Start formal, adjust: Can always become more casual later
• ✅ Lower your own family: To outsiders, be humble about relatives
• ✅ Service = maximum respect: Customers always get honorifics
• ✅ Teachers always honored: Regardless of other factors
• ✅ Wait for permission: Before switching to casual speech
• ✅ Context changes level: Same person, different situations
• ✅ Mistakes are okay: Koreans appreciate the effort

Understanding when to use honorifics is as important as knowing how to use them. Follow these guidelines, observe native speakers, and when uncertain, err on the side of formality. Your effort to use appropriate honorifics shows respect for Korean culture and will be greatly appreciated!